Welp...herpes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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