i permit you to call me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
