Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Boobs are out for the taking
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
