playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
