How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You can't special order awesome
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
