we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize