Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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