Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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