Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
