i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
