I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
