Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
