Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
