Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
