What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
