; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
