What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
