i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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