Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
