$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
