And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
