glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize