Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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