He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
