I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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