When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
