I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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