i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
