Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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