Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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