i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
