I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm too high and old for this...
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