My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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