Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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