Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
