When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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