Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My bed smells like the plague
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