Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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