a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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