Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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