I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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