Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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