Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
