I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
