my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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