no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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