So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
