I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
