So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
