U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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