If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
