Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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