my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
