Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
