My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
