I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
