i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
