and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Did I show you my penis last night?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
