i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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