allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize