That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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