I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
