her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
