Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
