Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Everything about him screamed your future.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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