My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize