we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
