I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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