They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
