ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I believe in your delicious
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
