Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
