dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All I want is dick and wine.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
