so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
