UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
