it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
