I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
