While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
