I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
