I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
