Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
