I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
